How exactly do we choose our friends? Normally we choose people who have the same interests that we do. Or at the very least, a person you like. I mean it's quite difficult to have a conversation with a person you have nothing in common with. And well, endless hours of talk time compose a big part of friendship.

So what happens when your friend changes to a person you no longer have a lot of things in common with? Do you stop being friends? Do you, uhhh, have the friends' version of a break up? Do you stay friends but do not spend a whole lot of time together and that if that is what you do, are you still considered as friends or acquaintances?

Now you might think that it is strange that I am asking these questions. And you might think that I'm not a good friend for asking such things. And maybe you're right. I mean, I wouldn't be asking these questions if I wasn't feeling a drift in my relationship. And if there is a drift, then something probably went wrong and if something went wrong, then usually that means that somewhere, someone messed up. Ergo the whole "I'm a bad friend" spiel.

But the reality is that people change. It's like a way of life. No one can stay the same forever. But if a friend does change, are you expected to like the person they changed into? I don't know about you but I believe that there is an unspoken rule that says that you are. But the truth is that we can't really do that. And that is my current conflict.

I have stayed friends with my high school barkada up till now. We meet up. We eat out. Sometimes we watch a movie together. Truth be told, I think we do more things now than we did before because back then we had a lot more limitations. And as far as self-sharing goes, I am currently learning more about my friends these days than back in high school. I think it's because they feel more comfortable with who they are now than when we were younger. They have a lot less fears of showing people who they really are. And just maybe they've developed a lot more confidence with the people around them to understand who they are.

My problem is that as I am learning more things about them, the more I am starting to realize that we are so different. Usually different is good. The reason I have these people as my friends in the first place is because of how different they are from everybody else. They are funny, brash, opinionated, silly, smart, at times so incredibly stupid and a tad bit self-absorbed. They are the most interesting people I know. The thing is that the things that I love about them are the same things are getting to me. Especially the brash, incredibly stupid and self-absorbed part which I think developed into something a little bit more than just a "tad" to a full blown major Beaker complex. (Beaker is a muppet that can only say one syllable: Mi. To see what he looks like check out this website.

I have always known that my friends, Den and Cel, are very much uhmmmmm into boys. Back then I didn't really know how much, although I had my suspicions. That didn't really bother me. This is the twenty-first century. Women can go after men if they want to. They can have sex and flings and whatever else the women in Sex and the City do. But recently I think their activities are bordering on self-destructive behavior and illegal.

Case 1:

Den has developed a friendship with a guy. He's a good guy. I met him. He was sort of like a male version of me which is not important.

Anyway, she likes him. A lot. She has already stated her intentions to him and he shot her down for the sake of their friendship. More or less that should have been the end of that. Right? Yeah well the answer to that is a big *WRONG*.

My dear friend has decided to go after her little friend despite his polite refusal. Now there is nothing wrong with going after what you want with the tenacity of a raging bull. People like those should be admired and celebrated. However I don't think that this situation called for such tenacity. When a person has already said no to another person's advances and such advances continued isn't that sexual harassment?

Cel defends Den by saying that it isn't the same because the guy is well......a guy and that guys do not say no to free sex when they can get it. I don't know about you but that is a double standard and that's unfair. Even if the guy was already half-seduced and you are already in bed. When a person says no, no matter what gender they are and what position you are in, you should take it seriously and stop. In this case my friend didn't. Lucky for her she's a girl of average weight and height and he's a guy of average weight and height, therefore stronger and he did the whole stopping this crazy mad lust fiasco for her.

When Den confided this incident to me I tried to be supportive. She was embarrassed. She was afraid that she has totally lost her friendship with her friend. She was this and she was that. It was all "ME. ME. ME. ME. ME. And more ME." (See why I call this the Beaker Complex) I told her to give him some space. And if he does not call her ever again, well she should accept it and understand that he has grounds to do that. However what I wanted to tell her is that she should have used her brain instead of going all Demi Moore in Disclosure on the poor guy. But I didn't because I believed that such comments are not helpful. In hindsight maybe I should have. Saying that might have actually have caused her to try to use her head when dealing with her problems instead of doing something stupid, suffering the consequences and then going to me to tell her oh so sad sob story. It could have saved me from expending much time and effort giving her advise on how to save herself from heartache, which I don't think she actually listened to since she is still doing the most dumbass things possible with her sex life. (See how I don't say love life.)


Case 2:

About a week or so after the whole crazy mad lust fiasco Den makes a boyfriend out a guy she just met. It is classic rebound dating. Well there was not much dating involved. Just hooking up for a week and then ending it.

What does this tell me? Her ego is crushed and she needs to be reassured that she is desirable. So she grabs the first guy that comes along. She would have done more of those if I haven't told her to try to abstain from dating unless he is someone she is really considering on dating for more than a week.

As I've said before, I have nothing against women doing the whole "I am a woman hear me roar" in terms of dating. But I think she was doing it for the all the wrong reasons. She was hurt, confused and more than just desperate. She would have ended up racking a score of partners and no more self-assured than when she started.


These are just two of the incidents that I am having a pickle over when it comes to my friends. Don't get me started on how I was offended when Cel told me to just shut up and listen while she was defending Den's actions and why she was defending her in the first place.

I love Den. But this whole deal, with her not having self-control and this desperation of always being reassured on how attractive she is, is getting so frustrating. I've known her to do stupid stuff. But this stupid? No. It's like she forgot she has a brain and just follows her hormones. Her defense when I sort of ask her why she is doing these things is that she's horny and she can't help it. That's the stupidest excuse I ever heard in person in my whole life. Cause that's exactly what it is. It's not a reason. It's just an excuse.

I shake my head at this but what I want to do is grab her neck shake her. Are these really my friends? How did I end up knowing people who are like these? As I grow more and more alarmed at what they are doing, I do start to wonder if I should strive to still be there for them when I frankly can't really reconcile them with the people I knew before.